The reason you feel alienated and alone

And step one of the recipe for happiness.

Last month, the writer Rob Henderson threw out a delicious provocation on Substack:

I love this. I love bossy moral instruction; I love stakes in the ground. This is a bracing mode of address, like a quick smack on the bum. Few topics fascinate me more than the internet’s impact on our relationships, so I’ve been turning Henderson’s gem in my mind for weeks, watching it glint from different angles. This sounds true, but is it true? Are we all fans now, and are fans miserable? What’s a Dunbar number? And what is the recipe for happiness?

It’s true that imaginary relationships with pop stars, chatbots and cartoons aren’t very fulfilling, but there’s so much Henderson leaves out of the picture here (naturally, given it’s a Note). I want to pick up where he left off on each of these points, but first: who is Henderson addressing?

When I first read his pep-talk, I pictured the cautionary tales of fandom at the extreme end of the spectrum. Rabid “stans” roaming in social media packs, snarling…