Never, ever let the machine draft your emails

Friendly reminder that I’m incandescent with rage.

Recently I witnessed the castration of a furious, spirited man. Maybe you did too. The man’s name was Dale; a character in an ad for Apple Intelligence, an AI-powered writing tool that makes your emails sound Friendly, Professional or Concise with the click of a button. When we encounter Dale, he’s seething, positively ropeable, about the petty theft of his pudding from the office fridge. It’s clear we’re meant to read Dale as being a prissy little bitch, with his stiff collar, neat moustache, and fussy mannerisms, but there’s nothing limp-wristed about the tirade he bashes out on his MacBook keyboard. “To the inconsiderate monster who has been stealing my pudding,” he begins, “I hope your conscience eats at you like you have eaten my pudding.”